One of the major challenges of living in India for almost two years has been fielding the numerous questions about marriage. Being a bachelor in India is not easy and is certainly a rarity at my age (30). I am left in a strange social void as most men of my age are married, as are most of the females over 25. So I have found myself socialising mainly with people slightly older than me, who are married and have children. Although I have many dear friends in this situation, it means one is constantly aware of being single and you can't help feeling a bit left out. It has led me to think about marriage a great deal and I have often considered whether to look for a suitable match, Indian style, and settle down in what has become my second home.
I was recently asked if I wanted to meet a young lady who was a friend of a friend's daughter. I happily accepted, thinking it would be a interesting experience if nothing else. We met in a very informal environment, with my friend hosting us. This girl arrived, accompanied by a lady who looks after her and her sister while their parents are abroad and the four of us sat there and engaged in polite conversation for a while. It was a little unnerving and I felt like there was some kind of astute assessment going on. I even found myself asking "So...what does your father do?" and almost burst out laughing after having said it. Not much came of this particular occasion, but I started seriously considering the posibility of finding a wife in this fashion. If nothing else, it seemed attractive to let someone else do all of the hard work.
Several questions sprang to mind immediately;
1. Will an Indian girl and her family want an Englishman for a husband? When looking at the marital pages in the newspapers you can see that they are full of specifications of caste, jobs, qualifications, height, skin tone, family background, values. Indian families are very picky about who they marry their daughters to. Unfortunately, I haven't come across any adverts that specify a white-skinned, penniless man with dutch and irish blood from the Bricklayers caste.
2. Should I let someone else handle the selection process? Traditionally of course, the family play a major role in choosing a partner for their son or daughter. I have many willing friends and motherly types who I'm sure would relish the opportunity to choose me a good wife. More and more, I'm of the opinion that we are not particularly good judges of our own partners as our view is usually obscured by some irrational sensation or other, so it could be for the best to let someone objective do the tricky work.
3. Could I cope with the extended family? This weekend I went to visit the family I live with's family in Rishikesh. It is a relatively small family, but the scene was constantly full of children, elderly relatives, chatting wives and men discussing cricket. As an observer, I find it all intensely interesting and amusing, but maybe it would be different if I was more closely connected.
4. Would I get a dowry? Well, It's always worth asking!
I decided that since I'm only in India for a couple more weeks, why not do an experiment and see what happens if I post my profile on Shaadi.com, the famous marriage website that allows you to input in great detail your specifications, down to astrological charts to find your perfect partner. I was also planning to put an advertisement in the newspaper to see what responses I get. The wording was tough, as I've obviously got to market myself well but a few friends helped me come up with:
Wanted - Attractive, educated Indian girl with a mix of modern and traditional values. Must be open-minded and willing to travel....for a....
Tall, white, handsome (not my own words) British boy (30/6"0) MA student, working as a teacher in an NGO. Caste and religion not important.
I'll keep you posted...
